I changed my son’s diaper today in the back of my car in the Kroger parking lot. It was not a quick and easy change either. He screamed, kicked, twisted, stood up and tried to crawl over seats while still naked. You name it—he did it. Several times. All in 94 degree weather with a buggy still full of groceries hanging out in the parking lot, and while two or three cars waited for my spot with their blinkers on during a Mississippi State home-game weekend. (Note to self: Never grocery shop on Friday of a home-game weekend.) I have gotten to the point where I don’t get embarrassed by things like this anymore because, in reality, what are strangers’ thoughts about me compared to my precious son’s needs? BUT, in the midst of our struggle, I did think to myself, “I know I have to look like I’ve never done this before. Rookie!” I finished the job and everyone survived and as I got behind the wheel to head home, I had an epiphany. I haven’t done this before. In a few days my son will be 20 months old. I’ve never parented a 20-month-old before. I’ve never changed the diaper of a very active and exceptionally strong-willed 20-month-old. It probably sounds crazy for me to realize this, but I was suddenly aware that this toddler is very different than the sleepy newborn I brought home with me from the hospital - just a blink of an eye ago. And just like he’s learning about everything in the world around him, so am I. I’m learning as I go what to do with him, and I’m thinking it’s okay to cut myself a little slack. There’s no way I can be perfect or do everything right, but I want to try for him. Does that count for anything? I think the biggest justice I can do for him is to try my best and to do it with a little humility. Laughing along the way at myself, learning how it’s done, and enjoying watching him, squealing and naked, trying to escape a diaper change over the back hatch of my car. Before I know it, he’ll be going to his own college football games and I’ll be at Kroger buying snacks for him to put in his college fridge - just like the man on aisle 9 was doing for his son while he watched my little guy throwing produce out of the buggy the whole way. I do feel better knowing, “It gets better when they’re about 13,” as he told me. I could see a sparkle in his eye and I knew he was trying to tell me that it’s going to go by very quickly, and that maybe he wished his now college-aged son was still throwing the bananas out of the buggy. The lump in my throat made it easy to transform my frustration into a laugh and a shrug as I said, “You promise?” This is such a hard stage, but it is unbelievably sweet, too. Oh, my very special son! You’ve taught me so much about life and I pray that I can return the favor to you someday. Toddler-momming is hard sometimes. But the love...Oh, my heart is full!
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